


Don't Laugh

by BlackMajjicDuchess



Series: Dicking Around and Other Tales [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Bromance, Dick Jokes, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Innuendo, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 09:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1464793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackMajjicDuchess/pseuds/BlackMajjicDuchess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 6 of an inappropriately hilarious collection of the most epic bromance of the Naruto series.</p><p>As punishment for drawing penises on the Hokage's face, Kotetsu and Izumo are forced to stand in on a serious discussion about the Land of Wood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Laugh

**Author's Note:**

  * For [larryjc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryjc/gifts).



Izumo and Kotetsu shared a look that said everything they needed to say. The tirade had been epic… worth every moment. The fact that they now had to accompany Tsunade on her meeting with the ANBU captains, at first, seemed like a misery. The captains were infamous for their lack of humor and appreciation of a good joke, and Tsunade’s temper had already been tested. On second glance at the situation, however, this was a cause for celebration. Being present while Tsunade was forced to meet with the cold fishes while also in the state she was in was bound to be entertaining.

If the Hokage was bothered by the fact that there were bold, black penises drawn upon her face, she did an admirable job of concealing that fact from the ANBU captains. She sat down at the head of the table calmly, swiping damp hair from her forehead and placing both hands upon the table. Her face wore the stern, no-nonsense expression that was characteristic of Tsunade Senju. And the meeting began.

Izumo and Kotetsu stood quietly behind her, flanking both shoulders, seemingly forgotten. They stood with the discipline required of them, hands clasped behind their backs, at the ready. _Don’t laugh_ , they told each other with their eyes. _Don’t_ _laugh._

To their credit, only a couple of the captains exchanged glances. If they were bothered by the dicks on her face, they, too, were stubbornly refusing to mention it.

“As you are probably aware of by now,” she began, “I have called this meeting to discuss our relationship with the Land of Wood.”

Izumo and Kotetsu shared a sharp glance. _Don’t. Laugh._ For some reason, what she had said was really funny. It must have been the word ‘wood.’ Or the discussion of a relationship with it. As far as they knew, Tsunade had no relationship with anyone _or_ their wood.

Around the table were short nods of acknowledgment. “They’ve asked to come inside the village to avoid the eruption of a massive volcano. We have stiff regulations regarding who we let inside our walls.”

The twinkle in their eyes and the way they bit their lips betrayed them. The innuendo in all of those words was too rich to pass up. They exchanged another glance.

_Did you hear what she just said?_

_Come inside? Eruption of a massive volcano?_

_HA! She said ‘stiff.’_

They took deep breaths, trying to steady themselves. That settled it. The game had started, and the rules didn’t need to be discussed. They placed their minds firmly in the gutter and struggled to maintain composure, all the while listening to a gravely serious discussion of a nation in danger of being melted by an active volcano. Whoever laughed aloud in the presence of the Special Assassination and Tactical Squad and an already pissed off Hokage was the loser. The consequences would just have to be worked out later.

\--GAME ON--

“Do any of you want to fill me in?” She asked. _Don’t laugh._

“The package that you requested from their lord came today,” one of the captains mentioned. “It was nestled in with all wood we received from them. It’s a pretty full load.”

“Good, then we’ve exacted our payments from them for services rendered. So we can take them, then? All of the refugees at the back door? Is there room for all of them?”

“We might have to put two to a bed and match them up with jounin escorts,” another captain mentioned. _Don’t laugh._ “I wouldn’t trust them inside alone.”

“Make sure that we keep an eye on them. Don’t let them snatch up anything that doesn’t belong to them. They’re strangers, even if we are letting them in. This should be a quick in and out. Don’t let them stay in any longer than necessary. And unless they’re willing to grant us free and ready access to their wood, don’t let them come again, either. I am eager to take anything they'll give me.”

Kotetsu snorted. Izumo shot him a glare, but it dissolved quickly. Tsunade paused. “Is there a problem, children?” she asked icily. “I don’t suppose there’s something on my _face_.”

Izumo started hyperventilating, not daring his voice to work. Kotetsu bit his lip, then answered, “No, Hokage-sama.”

“Good. Then let’s get back down to business.”

“There’s a mission report from the special unit that’s deep in Grass Country that just came this morning." _Don’t laugh._  "They’ve had a stroke of good fortune, it seems.”

She straightened. “That’s good news. I was hoping we’d get lucky with that one. Put that in my box when we’re done here.” There was a curt nod. “Are there open hostilities with the Land of Cream?” _Don’t laugh._

“It mostly sounds like blowing smoke,” one replied, “but they mean to invade with their sticks and their poles to try to get their hands on Yamato.”

There was a sigh. “Well, his Wood Style is pretty special.” _Don’t laugh!_ “Can’t say I blame them. Foreigners have been trying to have a go at him for a while now. Are any of you seeing any action?” _Don’t laugh! Don’t laugh!_

"More than usual, but nothing to crow about. They're all crammed into their little hole." _Don’t laugh!_   "They could beat their heads against the wall for weeks and we'd not even notice." He shrugged. "We'll take care of it."

“Good. Anything else, gentlemen?”

“My unit has submitted a formal request to be inserted into Shizune’s project. They want to be in the room when the special fluid that she has engineered is injected into the volunteers.”  _Don’t laugh!_   _Don’t laugh!_   _Don’t laugh!_  

“It will be a good experience for new members,” she admitted. “But, I should warn you. There might be a lot of screaming.”

That was the end of it. Kotetsu hit the floor, rolling with laughter. Izumo followed him only a moment later, but it didn’t matter anymore. He’d won this game. “Oww!!! Kotetsu howled. “ _Screaming!!!”_

Izumo slapped the floor, completely agreeing with him. “His _unit_ submitted the request!!!” Izumo cried.

They looked like complete idiots, rolling on the floor like that, but they were beyond caring. Around the table, eight ANBU captains and one more confused than pissed off Hokage stared. They had no idea why the two were suddenly erupting with laughter. "Genjutsu?" one suggested helpfully.

Tsunade sighed. "No. They're just idiots."


End file.
